A Lifestyle Guide to Completely Reasonable Irritations
I want to begin by saying I am not difficult.
I am not negative.
I am not “too particular.”
I simply have standards. And awareness. And a deep respect for order in a chaotic world.
And sometimes that chaos shows up disguised as “holibobs.”
Let’s unpack this properly.
I’m not dramatic.
I’m observant.
There’s a difference.
And while I’m generally – honestly for the most part calm and minding my business… there are certain tiny lifestyle offences that chip away at my inner peace.
Here we go
1. The Words “Famalam” and “Holibobs”
I don’t know when these words entered the group chat of society, but I would like to politely remove them.
“Off on holibobs with the famalam!”
No. You’re going on holiday. With your family. You are not a contestant on a low-budget reality show sponsored by cheap Prosecco. Every time I hear these words a small part of my vocabulary packs its bags.
2. Sour Sweets
Why are we pretending to enjoy pain?
If I wanted my face to involuntarily fold in on itself like I’ve bitten into a lemon dipped in battery acid, I would simply do that.
The first five seconds of a sour sweet feel like a personal attack. People eat them and say, “Ooooh they’re so good!” while their eyes water and their jaw locks.
No. That’s distress.
3. “You’d Love This”
Would I? Would I really?
When friends say it, it’s different. I do love a recommendation, truly. And when it comes from anyone who knows me, it feels generous. Thoughtful. Friends have context. They know me! When they say, “You’d love this,” it’s less a prediction and more a quiet vote of confidence. And I’m here for it!
But then there’s the other version.
The one delivered by someone who doesn’t really know you, someone who’s less interested in your joy and more interested in recounting their own itinerary.
“You’d love this holiday destination.”
“You’d love this hotel.”
Oh, would I?
How do you know? Have you studied my internal operating system? Conducted market research on my personality? I appreciate enthusiasm, but the pressure alone ensures I probably won’t love it. I might not even like it out of principle.
4. People Who Don’t Take Responsibility
Just own it. Don’t deflect, deflect, deflect, it’s not my fault!!
We are all out here making mistakes. That’s fine. It’s part of the human experience. But when someone clearly messes up and then performs verbal gymnastics to avoid saying, “That was my fault,” I age spiritually.
Blaming the weather. The traffic. The vibes. Just say, “Yep, that one’s on me.” Just own it. It was my fault.”Growth. Maturity. I love to see it.
5. Bad Manners
“Please” and “thank you” are free. Eye contact is free. Basic decency? Also free. Not saying thank you when someone holds the door. Talking over people. Being rude to waitstaff (immediate personality downgrade). You can tell everything you need to know about someone by how they treat people who can’t offer them anything in return. Manners aren’t old-fashioned. They’re foundational. If you click your fingers at someone to get their attention, we are done.
6. Hygiene (Let’s Be Honest)
We are adults. Shower. Wear deodorant. Wash your hands. Brush your teeth. Cut your nails. This is not about being glamorous. This is about not assaulting the air.
And while we’re here:
• People who cough openly like they’re announcing it to the room.
• People who don’t wash their hands after using public bathrooms (I see you).
• People who think spraying body spray over sweat is a solution. It’s not. It’s just scented chaos.
7. Slow Walkers Who Walk in a Line
Three or four people walking side-by-side at tortoise speed, fully committed to the horizontal lifestyle. I’m trying to get somewhere with purpose. I do not want to zigzag through you like I’m doing an obstacle course.
8. Clapping When the Plane Lands
The pilot is trained. This is their job. They were not winging it (pun absolutely intended). I’m grateful we landed safely. Deeply grateful. But applause feels like we just watched a performance of Aviation: The Musical.
9. Over-Sharing in Public
Why do I know your relationship issues? Why do I know your boss is “literally the worst human alive”?Why are you on speaker? Some thoughts are indoor thoughts.
10. Knowing the difference between Disney World & Disney Land
This one is important.
It is not “Disneyland Florida.”
It is not “Disney World Paris.” OR “or Euro Disney”
And it’s definitely not Disney World California
We have:
• Walt Disney World – Florida. Massive. Multiple parks. An entire ecosystem. A kingdom. A world, if you will. It’s literally in the name.
• Disneyland Park – California. The original. Compact. Iconic. The blueprint.
• Disneyland Park – Paris. Not “Disney World Paris.”
It’s really not that hard. If you’re booking flights across the Atlantic, at least know which castle you’re aiming for.
11. People being late
This one. This one truly tests me. If you give me a time, I am there. Not “leaving the house.” Not “five minutes away but still in pyjamas.” I am physically present. Time is not a suggestion. When someone is consistently late and says, “Sorry I’m just bad with time lol,” that is not a quirky trait. Respecting someone’s time is basic courtesy. If we say 7pm, it is 7pm. Not 7:20. Not 7:35 with a casual iced coffee in hand.
Be late once? Life happens.
Be late always? Character flaw.
12. People Who Can’t Ice Skate (But Refuse to Respect the Edges)
Now hear me out.
I have ice skating lessons one day a week in the evening. This is sacred time. This is discipline. This is me trying to perfect a spiral without looking like I’ve been gently pushed.
And let me tell you about the sheer, concentrated frustration of finally finding your balance… gliding into position… preparing to nail a clean 3-turn…
Only for someone who has clearly stepped onto the ice for the first time ever to drift directly into your path like a confused penguin.
I am lining up for a spin.
I am centering myself.
I am committing.
And suddenly Malcom (no offence to any Malcom’s reading this post, it was the first name that popped into my head), who rented skates 12 minutes ago, decides this is the exact moment to veer diagonally across the rink with all the spatial awareness of a shopping trolley with one broken wheel.
You love to skate? Amazing. I support it. I celebrate it. Welcome.
But please. Stick. To. The. Edges.
The middle is not for experimental chaos. The middle is for people actively trying not to dislocate something while rotating at speed.
There is nothing quite like preparing to launch yourself into a spin, mentally focused, posture lifted, arms ready, and having to abort mission because someone is panic-flapping toward you at high velocity.
It’s not just inconvenient. It’s dangerous. And emotionally destabilising.
The rink has zones. The edges are your friend. The barrier is your comfort. The middle is not a social wander space.
I promise, once you’ve graduated from “clinging to survival” to “basic forward glide,” we can talk.
Until then? Edges.
And yet, despite all of this, the holibobs, the sour sweets, the lateness, the incorrect Disney naming, the surprise tourism presentations, and the rogue ice skaters –
I remain delightful, I mean I am genuinely lovely.
Just… observant.
Very observant.
But life is made up of tiny interactions. Tiny words. Tiny behaviours. And sometimes those tiny things stack up like sour sweets in a bowl labelled “Character Building.”
Anyway. I’m calm.
