This is a super personal post for me, mostly because this is me, I am the girl who suffers with the worst body confidence. It was something that got better when I lost wait in 2018 and I spent both 2018 and 2019 pretty happy with my weight, apart from the odd blip here and there where I’d have a mini meltdown over being “fat”
When I first thought about writing this post, it was going to be focussing on how unhappy I am with my body currently. It was going to be a super personal post, going back over my weight loss journey from 2018 to present (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH) I then decided to hit the STOP button and take things in a new direction.
So hi I’m Lisa, and I have struggled with my weight for so many years now, it’s kind of hard to think back to a time when weight wasn’t at the forefront of my mind.
I did work extremely hard to loose weight over the last 4 years, and then the many lockdowns we lived through made me my absolute own worst enemy. I mean no one forced to make batches of banana bread and eat it on a daily basis, that was all me!!
Lockdown and eating more than I usually would alongside wearing very comfy loose fitting clothes made me feel like I had put on a few pounds over the months. Even though people would tell me I was silly and that I hadn’t , and even though all my clothes still fit just the same. Somehow I had managed to convince myself that I was bigger. And once it was in my head, it was fully embedded with cement.
For some reason I have a real hang up about my hips, I see them as huge! In fact when I look in the mirror they are ALL I can see! And my obsession with them just got worse after my January wedding. My obsession with my hips got so bad that I would almost cry before going out somewhere, I would try on at least 5 different outfits scrutinising in the mirror only my hips, like the rest of my body didn’t even exist. It just got to a point where I wouldn’t look forward to doing anything or going anywhere because I honestly thought (and occasionally still think) that people would just be looking at my huge hips!
So here we are right now, July 22nd 2022 and I’ve kind of turned a small corner. I mean honestly I don’t know what happened because one week I was trying to cover my hips with jumpers and looking in every mirror, shop window, shower door, patio door, I men literally every reflective surface, analysing them at every given opportunity. And then the weather got really warm and I wanted to wear a playsuit (something that I had been dreading ALL summer) and I remember picking one out of my wardrobe putting it on and for once I wasn’t repulsed by what I saw. It actually looked okay, so I wore it to work! I then took a bigger step and wore a different playsuit at the weekend, to go shopping. It might seem like something so small but actually it was quite a big deal for me! 2018 & 2019 you would find me only wearing little playsuits, but it’s been a while since I felt confident enough since the whole global pandemic.
It definitely is a constant battle and I’m really only taking baby steps, but baby steps are better than no steps at all. YES my hips could definitely be smaller, but then so could my thighs, I’m slightly out of proportion because my bust and waist are smaller than they should be to give me a proper figure. But I’m now trying to look in the mirror and look at me as a whole person instead of just hips!! I am a very healthy eater and I have been for a while now, but weight obsession is not healthy, and it got to the point with me where my hips were my big obsession.
I like where I am at this moment in time, and I hope to keep that up. I’ll still be good and eat healthy (after all I have the honeymoon of a lifetime coming up) But I’ll also remember to ENJOY food and not hate myself when something other than a lettuce leaf passes my lips! I know that life is for living and enjoying, I know that, I just need to remember it once in a while!
So I’ll leave this post right here, as there is a Five guys take out in my kitchen with my name on it!!! FYI I always opt for the veggies in a lettuce wrap, but I do have chips and today I have added a cheeky peanut butter and banana milkshake, the lettuce wraps kind of balances things out right!!!
Have a great evening!!